Act-Cow-Mermaid Feet

Once upon a time, there lived several crazy college students. One (obviously exhausted)night they got into a massive leg massage chain. Oh blessed mermaid, how good that felt! Push came to shove and twenty minutes later, roommate Natalie (who for the sake of the story shall be called Natalie) started to draw on roommate Russell's feet (who for the sake of the story shall be called Boyfriend. Also, he's not actually our roommate.) Other character: Erika (otherwise known as Me.)
Well, Natalie was using her superior artistic powers to drawn this immodest and freakishly tinied rib caged creature on Boyfriend's foot. Me was laying with me's head on Boyfriend's belly, texting long and outrageous stories to Boyfriend's phone. The story goes as follows:
Once
upon
a
a
time
a
act-cow-mermaid
love
in a pond of
fell.
Pie
drowned.
Pie
and
ate
Russell's
tickly
face.
It
was
delicious.
Love,
Erika.
Maybe we should get married
Said the mermaid.
but apparently pie was a liar
So pie learned to text
And vowed to learn
English
and stopped speaking
because her man
sounded like a
creeper helium guy
with hairy...everything.

The only clarification Me can offer is that Me's brother took her phone and texted Pie so many times in place of She that whenever she wants to text she, pie shows up instead.

And that is why college is dangerious, folks. Girls who used to be somewhat normal and intelligent (for example, a girl who for the sake of the story we'll call Erika) go crazy.